perfection

Esther is one of my favorite books of the Bible. {We actually considered naming one of the girls Esther but went with the entirely more logical choice to name them both with boy names. Which isn't confusing at all to anyone. Ever.  Especially when we spelled 'Charlie' Charleigh.  Apparently, this can be pronounced a number of ways including the most common 'Shar-lay' pronunciation. When the doctor's office calls to remind us about appointments, they don't even attempt it. It's always for 'Logan' and 'a member of your family.' But they mean something, gosh darn it. Which I have also been meaning to write about.} 


I just love Esther. For so many reasons--it's amazing to me that the book never actually mentions God but throughout the course of the story His character is revealed in so many ways. I've been doing a Beth Moore study about Esther. {I have a love/not-so-much-love relationship with Beth Moore. Sometimes her studies are exactly what I need and sometimes I think her comparisons of Biblical feasts to her setting out her fine China are a little silly. I doubt those two compare at all but I appreciate her effort to try to relate for us commoners.} Anyways. I haven't been reading this study everyday because I'm also reading about the power of prayer for my husband and going through Oswald Chambers' My Utmost for His Highest again. {Love me some Oswald.} So needless to say I don't get to ALL of these everyday and it's taking me a long time to get through it. The latest chapter I read was the part where Esther risked her life by approaching King Xerxes without being summoned. What struck me as I was reading Beth Moore's commentary on this was that Esther (most likely) was as scared as anyone of us would be in that situation. Did she feel perfectly ready to do that? Doubtful. And if she had waited until she felt perfectly ready her people would have suffered some horrible things. And Beth asked the question: " Do we believe that the only way to do something acceptably is to do it perfectly?" I fall into that trap A TON. If I can't do it exactly perfectly (in my mind) then why bother? But God doesn't call us to be perfect. We can't be and He knows that. I wasn't a perfect teacher and I won't be a perfect mother. {Case in point: These girls are clearly not identical and they seemed so different from the second they were born but while we were in the hospital in my oh-so-groggy state I accidentally fed the same baby twice until I suddenly realized I had the wrong baby. Which was hilarious and sad all at the same time.}


 I need to let go of my perfectionism because it's really more debilitating than empowering. If people waited until things felt 'perfect' to get married or have babies, I think the human race would have died out long ago. I need to rework my idea of the ideal. I can do my best job without expecting perfection from myself and others in my life. And I can live my best life without the expectation of perfection. Definitely a work in progress. 

My new perfection? Two happy, sleepy babies safe and sound in a house that has dishes in the sink and carpets in terrible need of a good vacuuming. Howie should really start earning his keep around here and help a mama out.